bored

I cannot get her so show a single ounce of authority i did like 1000 things that i should have been punished for she would rather risk not being respect at times than to start a possible argument to me that is weak. How am i suppose to show the respect to a person that is more concerned with being my freind than my owner. I am very hard to control and most of the time i feel like i am being submissive by my own drive nothing more. I can never get her to be strict and demanding. She asked what would make me happy being a slave would make me happy even if just for a day. my perfect life would be an object to serve cut off completely when not being of some use locked away until needed again.Espically as a maid not speaking unless spoken to ust having days full of high protocol situations. Lock away when not in use taken out when something needed done. Punished when something is wrong even the slightest little thing. She has never been much a of displinarian because she cant focus on one thing for to long and because she doenst have much attention to detail. Also because when it comes to her slaves she wants them to think she is their friend not owner because that is who she is naturally.  But i see that i can never have that with her or that it is an unrealistic goal and that is fine its a nice fantasy. I guess i am just bored with my submission i want to adventure  i do the same thing day in and day out and its never how i pictured myself. I feel like if i can just be the slave that she wants then she will put more and more into her role and into me aswell but that never seems to happen. Its like i put so much in and get little back.Then i just break down and my mind wanders all over the place.  I guess I am just being unreal but i swear i pictured it different..