Surprise!

trashday

training

Training is so important for a slave just like for any other bet it needs to meet your needs. Mistress has promised a long weekend of strict training and protocol. I can only hope she sticks to this because i love to share this with her. I love to feel how much She cares for me by molding me into what She wants and needs. Yesterday she beat me pretty good as I struggled She would just hold me in place and continue to beat me with the hair brush. All that was on my mind was how I wanted to show my devotion, I wanted to suffer. I hoped the pain never stopped I hoped She just kept going until She was done not until I was. It was an amazing feeling to let go to be a slave again. .....then She ruined my feeling by joking with me lol i am pretty sure She does with on purpose at this point. 

Mistress has promised alot of sissy training this week i am very excited about this so much stuff is running though my head like how long will She allow me to live as a girl. Will i be allowed to smoke? Will I be allowed to prepare my sissy room as it is so full of stuff right now every time I go up there i want to clean it out and set is up properly. How long will my nails be allowed to be? Mistress has spoken of new sissy rules and protocols. I wonder what they will be, my head is just swimming with things. So many questions i hope to see the answers to soon.

cukolded

I love to see my Mistress fulfilled nothing makes me more happy. Mistress so deserves a real man, I love to sit back and watch as Mistress is pleased. I love to wait as she goes out and has a good time with Her bull as I sit and home awaiting Her arrival. So many would kill for the chance to live life as a cuckold and I am one of the lucky few that actually gets to do so. I love to clean Her house making sure everything is tidy for Her dates arrival. I love to help Mistress get ready make sure Her hair is perfect her clothes are perfect lighting Her pre date cigarette. It truly is an honor to serve Her on so many levels but this one feels extra special.

Writing assignment:how is humiliation beneficial to you as a slave?

There is so much that comes with humiliation and so many other things that contribute to my submission, but I will keep it simple and just stick with the topic I was given. Humiliation tends to keep a slave humble making sure it know that as an object it has no shame. It is only there for the amusement of its superiors. As for this slave humiliation brings such a wonderful feeling keeping its ego in check and reminds it of why it is here all a the same time. When i suffer humiliation I feel so close with my Mistress like she and I are one as she lets out a sadistic cackle. I love to see the creative ways she will humiliate me spending the day waiting and thinking what will come next. It is an excitement and a build up that is almost like being high. Speaking of which when I am humiliated that is how I feel as if the worse the humiliation the worse the drug. I just love the idea of feeling like a fool just because my Superior decided to make me look as such. Its such a wonderful way to show my devotion and to show that not every part of slavery has to be pain. Ever since i can remember I always wanted to live my life being humiliated  and yes it always has been a turn on but it is so much more than that. But it makes me so happy to know that humiliation can be a part of my life as a slave. I truly believe a slave has no shame and sometimes i forget that and regular humiliation ensures that I do not forget what I am.

weekends

Weekends are always a lazy time. Nothing really gets done, you would think that because there is so much time it would be the perfect oppertunity for slave training but no its just laid back. Despite my best effort it takes about an entire day of being bad for Mistress to put me in my place quite late in the day. But then it turns out her back had been hurting all day and she wouldnt tell me. I am not sure why but had i known that I wouldnt have pushed for her abuse so bad. I tend to notice that Mistress cannot be serious for a long amount of time and that alot of time brings be out of my place. Like during play with a friend I noticed that she was just having so much fun that she wanted to talk and joke with her bottom. Things like this when she does them to me really draw me away, i dont know why but i love an up tight strict Domina. I love for her to be serious about my slavery as much as possible im not here to joke im here to be a slave is how I feel sometimes. I was punished for talking during puppy play last night and it felt amazing to be disiplined. When Mistress is very mean to me it just puts me in such a diffrent state of mind very focused on the task at hand very focused on being a slave and more important very happy and at peace and I hate when anything makes that feeling go away.

friday session

Friday night a sub and good friend came and cooked a wonderful meal and Mistress played with her for a quite a lengthy session here are some photos that were snapped of the results :) Though i must admit I fear the unknown but seeing Mistresses face light up as she poured alcohol  over her wounds made me wish it was me :)

secret bear

found this thought it was cute :)

betrayal

Mistress wanted to play last night I was so excited because I hadnt played in so long and i have been wanting to be on the receiving end of her abuse. I had been thinking about it for days i had been doing the same old sit at her feet and watch tv for days I was so excited to break up the monotony. She said she wanted to play her way and I was ready for almost anything. As I lay there bound I heard her medical box open and then i thought about what her way ment and that can only mean one thing needles. But how could this be i thought she knows that I am so terrified of them i dont like them in anyway shape or form. I trusted her with that information I thought maybe she was bluffing I was so ready to suffer but not in this way. When did this play time become extreme punishment what did I do wrong I just didnt get it. I couldnt see anything i could barley move. I was so vulnerable and this is what she decides to do. I guess this is why so many more people have much more time in her play room I do. I felt so betrayed that she would do this to me. Then after that feeling I felt ashemed that i could never be the slave she wants I felt ill because I couldnt please her. later she took me by force into the playroom again she played very light it was very boreing in my heart i want her to play the way she wants but my fear of needles far our weighs my need to please it would seem. But she was being very mean as I knelt on the floor she put me in subspace just by talking to me. It is amazing what verbal can do at this point she could have done the needles I almost welcomed them then she was being so mean and I was long gone just one her words alone. Then after her cigarette she was very loopy and took me right out of subspace. I commend her for not being discouraged i think the situation was handled perfectly but perhaps it should have never been caused in the first place.

Protocol 5.0

• it will graciously accept any punishment given to it and worship my feet afterwards.
• it is not allowed on the furniture with the exception of the computer chair unless I want a cuddle or want it in my bed for sleeping.
• it is no longer allowed to order meals for itself and will eat what I chose for it regardless of what it is.
• it will ask permission to leave my presence for any reason, anywhere.
• it will always kiss anything it offters to me that I have requested it to fetch.
• it will maintain the protocol of walking to my right, holding my purse and getting any doors.
• it will keep its hands behind its back at all times when walking. 
• it will always refer to its Mistress with respect and an approiate title 

General rules 5.0

• it will remain naked in the house unless I allow it to wear clothes for weather based purposes, have designated an outfit for it for 
• my amusement or vanilla people are coming to the house.
• it will keep my cigarette packs in its diaper when I am home, keeping them safe. it will also have an empty one inside its diaper and present me with a new one when the other is covered in feces.
• it will provide me with ointment if it needs some when it comes time to changing its diaper.
• it is no longer allowed to use the toilet and will wear diapers, relying on me to change them, I may require it to go to the bathroom outside for my amusement.
• it will prepare me when I go out on dates or am going to fuck other people.
• it will be supervised when cleaning its chastity and is no longer allowed to fuck me, it will also not ask for an orgasm at anytime.
• it will not deny me any playtime I would like to have.
• it will always ask permission to use the computer when I am home.
• it will not play video games unless with me when I am at home.
• it will make sure my house remains clean and tidy when I come home.
• it will consult the index card box when cleaning the house to know how to properly clean each room to my liking.
• it will no longer drink softdrinks unless it is a special occasion that I allow.
• it will have a drink waiting for me when I arrive home and dinner will be prepared for me unless I am going out for the evening.
• it will resume its wearing of the uniform I have designated for it when going out of the house or having vanilla company.
• it will have its cuffs ready to place on it when leaving the house.
• it will be partially responsible for making new submissives/slaves aware of my likes and dislikes and how they can best serve me in the case that I am training them or have an interest.
• it will always do its best to set a good example for new submissives.
• it will be responsible for starting my shower/bath and fetching me a towel when I request it.
• it will resume using its calendar and filling it with things it has completed around the house as well as me adding things to it on a daily basis.
• it will write in its blog several times a week
• It is not allowed to drink alcohol
• It will keep itself shaven at all times

index card box

Cant wait to start this Mistress wants to keep its chore list in it but it thinks She can do so much more like rules and punishments for each broken rule things like that. :)

some stuff

We had a party my Mistress's house this weekend it was very fun to get to know new people and even get to know some old ones. It just instilled how powerful of a Domina Mistress Carrie is She was showing my place as a cuckold to everyone in the room. She fucked and sucked a big black bull about a total of 10 time feeding me the cum from each infront of everyone in the room it was so humiliating. He was a very cool guy not your average perv very social and oh so hot I really want Mistress to be with him she deserves a real man.

Also as we let maggie back into our family she disappoints again making a complete fool of her self at the party and hanging over her ex boyfriend all night showing Mistress no respect what soever. It was foolish and I feel went against Mistress's better judgement to let her back in.

On a happy note Mistress was nice and spent alot of money of fun stuff like bondage gear and diaper stuff this weekend. It felt good to be able to spend some money on things we will get alot of enjoyment out of. It seems like forever since we have had the chance to do something like that, pretty sure it made us both very happy. 

I dont know if its lack of sleep or that i have discouraged my Mistress so much that she doesnt want to have me in Her play room. I hinted at it all weekend, tried to get her to have a session with me with out being to forward or disrespectful. I have come to notice a trend of the more submissive I get the lazier She does. But like I always say She has alot on Her mind alot of the time she works and is a full time Mistress none of which is easy. So i am suress that my ultimate submission comforts Her rather than feeds her dominate nature. For example i expected to be punished for not finishing Mistress's shit as She had said I would but that never happen and to do it now would ne irrelevant. I have also been waiting of strict rules for so long and i really have none at this time. There was a point where we maid sissy maid rules they were so precise and strict I was in heaven i cant even describe the amount of joy i got reading them but they never saw practice.  Mistress know I crave this structure and strict atmosphere I guess She thinks i am not ready and that is Her choice to make. We keep taking about a breaking period for me something we both want to bad. But im not sure if i will ever see that day. But i love serving my Mistress all the same with all of my heart and soul. 

When my Mistress leaves unopened cigarette packs i like to worship them during the day. Infact the whole time i have been writing this entry her fresh pack of marlboro menthol light 100s have been in my mouth as if i am presenting them to Mistress. I do that alot during the day as a sign of worship toward them. I kiss them, i make sure they are well packed and I dream about when Mistress will open this pack and fill my ashtray up with them. 

Task photos

Mistress has instructed me to post these photos :)

 Cigarette butts from the ground outside our house

airline lock until Mistress gets home to lock it