some stuff

We had a party my Mistress's house this weekend it was very fun to get to know new people and even get to know some old ones. It just instilled how powerful of a Domina Mistress Carrie is She was showing my place as a cuckold to everyone in the room. She fucked and sucked a big black bull about a total of 10 time feeding me the cum from each infront of everyone in the room it was so humiliating. He was a very cool guy not your average perv very social and oh so hot I really want Mistress to be with him she deserves a real man.

Also as we let maggie back into our family she disappoints again making a complete fool of her self at the party and hanging over her ex boyfriend all night showing Mistress no respect what soever. It was foolish and I feel went against Mistress's better judgement to let her back in.

On a happy note Mistress was nice and spent alot of money of fun stuff like bondage gear and diaper stuff this weekend. It felt good to be able to spend some money on things we will get alot of enjoyment out of. It seems like forever since we have had the chance to do something like that, pretty sure it made us both very happy. 

I dont know if its lack of sleep or that i have discouraged my Mistress so much that she doesnt want to have me in Her play room. I hinted at it all weekend, tried to get her to have a session with me with out being to forward or disrespectful. I have come to notice a trend of the more submissive I get the lazier She does. But like I always say She has alot on Her mind alot of the time she works and is a full time Mistress none of which is easy. So i am suress that my ultimate submission comforts Her rather than feeds her dominate nature. For example i expected to be punished for not finishing Mistress's shit as She had said I would but that never happen and to do it now would ne irrelevant. I have also been waiting of strict rules for so long and i really have none at this time. There was a point where we maid sissy maid rules they were so precise and strict I was in heaven i cant even describe the amount of joy i got reading them but they never saw practice.  Mistress know I crave this structure and strict atmosphere I guess She thinks i am not ready and that is Her choice to make. We keep taking about a breaking period for me something we both want to bad. But im not sure if i will ever see that day. But i love serving my Mistress all the same with all of my heart and soul. 

When my Mistress leaves unopened cigarette packs i like to worship them during the day. Infact the whole time i have been writing this entry her fresh pack of marlboro menthol light 100s have been in my mouth as if i am presenting them to Mistress. I do that alot during the day as a sign of worship toward them. I kiss them, i make sure they are well packed and I dream about when Mistress will open this pack and fill my ashtray up with them.