betrayal

Mistress wanted to play last night I was so excited because I hadnt played in so long and i have been wanting to be on the receiving end of her abuse. I had been thinking about it for days i had been doing the same old sit at her feet and watch tv for days I was so excited to break up the monotony. She said she wanted to play her way and I was ready for almost anything. As I lay there bound I heard her medical box open and then i thought about what her way ment and that can only mean one thing needles. But how could this be i thought she knows that I am so terrified of them i dont like them in anyway shape or form. I trusted her with that information I thought maybe she was bluffing I was so ready to suffer but not in this way. When did this play time become extreme punishment what did I do wrong I just didnt get it. I couldnt see anything i could barley move. I was so vulnerable and this is what she decides to do. I guess this is why so many more people have much more time in her play room I do. I felt so betrayed that she would do this to me. Then after that feeling I felt ashemed that i could never be the slave she wants I felt ill because I couldnt please her. later she took me by force into the playroom again she played very light it was very boreing in my heart i want her to play the way she wants but my fear of needles far our weighs my need to please it would seem. But she was being very mean as I knelt on the floor she put me in subspace just by talking to me. It is amazing what verbal can do at this point she could have done the needles I almost welcomed them then she was being so mean and I was long gone just one her words alone. Then after her cigarette she was very loopy and took me right out of subspace. I commend her for not being discouraged i think the situation was handled perfectly but perhaps it should have never been caused in the first place.